I recently have finished reading a book series that was full of wonderful romance & these two people fall in love, they get over their differences and such, all is good. I watched Pride and Prejudice tonight, which is basically the same love story.
And this thought struck me: what if these wonderful romances we read of aren’t as beautiful as the real thing? That thought just broke my heart into pieces. I have been single for a year now, which has been the longest time I have been single for years. It has been amazing, liberating, and has allowed me to become not only comfortable with who I am, but also strengthen and grow within my friendships. It truly has been a fantastic year, once I overcame the heart ache of all break ups.
But after experiencing these love stories, I felt like I was missing that love. Let me explain something to you: I do not simply read a book. I jump into the story, I become my favourite character, feeling their feelings and when the story is finished, I feel as though I have lost a piece of me. It is the worst break up of all. I am devastated for days, as though I have lost a loved one.
I know that sounds ridiculous, but I am well aware that I just care too much. I get too involved in everything and go in with my whole heart. Even with books. I ranted to a friend and told her of how terrified I was that I would never feel as though characters felt, the love & admiration that they shared & their steadfastness in their relationship. I do want that. Not right now, I have too much to learn before I can ever have a husband, but maybe someday
I sometimes become frustrated with God because he doesn’t just TALK to me. You know? Like, “hey Katie, you’re working so hard in school and just keep that all up, it’s great, but when you are finished with that, you should totally move to this city, where you will meet this guy & you’ll get married & serve me & it’ll just be the best thing”
God doesn’t work like that. And it’s a love hate thing that I feel towards it. Mostly because I have an issue with patience. But I do pray that God would give me peace and patience with this, as most of my friends are getting married this summer and next summer.
I have full faith that if it is God’s design for me to be married, then I will marry. If I remain on God’s path, I know that if it’s his design, he will lead me to my great love, that romance novel perfect love. I just need to wait on his timing and guard my heart.
If you struggle with this, just know that God has his plan perfectly laid out for you, too, all it takes is faith. I’m here if you need to talk :)