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The finished product of 6 hours of labor. I would like to thank my toaster oven for being the little toaster that could. I officially have a personal dessert table and a degree- hence forth, please refer to me as size 10 Beyonce

The finished product of 6 hours of labor. I would like to thank my toaster oven for being the little toaster that could. I officially have a personal dessert table and a degree- hence forth, please refer to me as size 10 Beyonce

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that moment when…

you realize that you have turned into your parents

.. & it’s not as bad as you thought it would be when you were 10

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Cleaning and baking and applying for jobs- that’s how this university graduate is spending her evening !

Cleaning and baking and applying for jobs- that’s how this university graduate is spending her evening !

It was the end of everything

Today was the day that everything ended. Almost.

whoaaaa - dramatic much? Let me explain: today was the last exam of my undergraduate degree

so it was the end of everything. Almost. I still have a 75 page dissertation to write for my thesis BUT I am basically done. I will officially be done on Tuesday & everything will be up in the air, so to speak.

The entire time I was writing, I just kept praying “God, I have no idea what I’m doing. PLEASE tell me the answers ! Or else I won’t have a high enough average for Western. So you do your thing about making things come true for you plan. I trust you with this, bud. Whatever happens”

That was what I prayed. God & I are pretty casual, especially when I’m freaking out. But I know that God’s got this. WORRYING DOESN’T ADD A DAY TO YOUR LIFE- it does the exact opposite. Bibical truth !

So I’m basically a grown up now & I’m having more of a difficult time processing that. I haven’t even processed that I won’t be in this city after tomorrow. Even though I’ve been packing all week. There’s some classic Katie logic for you.

(Source: heckyeahjesussaves)

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To new beginings

I have realized that I have really let my blog go.. I was awful at sticking to my daily posting challenge and I think that’s because I put myself into a box & I felt trapped in it. I want to post things outside of that. I want to post about me. About my life and what is actually happening. Not just super positive stuff to share. But the real deal. I want my blog to change into something much more raw and personal. 

Example: I break down, hardcore, because my life is up in the air. Not like, ohhh, I don’t know what I’ll do with my life eventually. But like, I am about to graduate university and write my final exam tomorrow and I don’t have a summer job, I don’t know if the school I applied to for the fall has accepted me, and I just don’t know about the overall direction of my life. This next month or so of MORE waiting is really going to define that.

And I know it’s not a fantastic thing to admit that I’m frustrated at God for challenging my patience with this and I know that this stubbornness will just make my path that much more uphill than it needs to be, but I find change hard & this is super important. God really does go big or go home…

I don’t want to pretend that I have my life together and that my faith should be something others should admire. I want to be real. Will you accept me as I am? I want to really reach out into the internet & grow through international influences. You are lovely & I could learn so much from you. Will you accept me? Will you reach back out to me?

prayers GREATLY appreciated !

Friends ! Strangers ! People of the internet !

I need your prayers - even if you took like 3 seconds to give God a shout out for me while you scroll down the page, I WOULD SUPER APPRECIATE IT !!!!!

I have been applying to a compressed nursing degree which is basically like my new dream & I have been working so hard all year for it & waiting sort of patiently to find out if I’ve been accepted.

SO

I got a letter from them, which made me irrationally excited and it said: you’ve been deferred until we receive your final transcript. ummm, ok? So I have no idea if this is super positive, but at least I haven’t been rejected, right??? I still have a shot !

SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just take a second to ask God that he will bless my marks & the people marking them that they’ll be speedy & the mail carriers that it won’t get lost in the mail & that Western sees this beautiful transcript & says ” WE WANT HER!!!!!” & that I get accepted, if that is God’s will. Which I sure hope it is. But yea.

Also, maybe also help me pray for God preparing my heart for whatever the outcome is and that even thought I think this is his will, that I keep my will constantly stuck on his & to bring him glory, not me.

THANK YOUUUUU ! God bless each & every one of you who see this post ! 

praise God for His goodness !! Rend Collective’s new album found me at just the right time. God’s timing is so perfect. I feel so uplifted - I thank God for this band & His work through them

even with my hope crushed in everything but Him, He speaks to me.

when will my darkness turn to light?

I hate being the negative nancy. Truly.

But I feel like every hope that I have had recently has been crushed. It builds and builds and builds and then it is crushed under a great big NOPE. I have been working so hard to not be numb, to feel and I thought I was doing such a great job. Then life happened and my feelings were crushed.

And I haven’t hoped for something in so long. But I’ve been finding myself hoping that I’m good enough - good enough to graduate with honours, to find a summer job in my field, to be accepted into Western.

But I’m struggling with that hope because the more I let it build, the more I know I’ll be crushed.

God, what are you doing here?

I had the coolest job opportunity that was more than I could have ever dreamed. But it was crushed within 4 hours of applying. And I’m still waiting to hear anything from the other jobs I’ve applied to.

How much longer will I be crushed for? I feel like those souls in Psalms, who keep crying out to the Lord for help in their dark times. When will my darkness turn to light? I know I don’t deserve a single blessing from the Lord, especially as I have been distant, but I can’t handle much more of being crushed at every turn.

God, when will something go right for me? I hold onto the hope I have in God because it’s the only thing I know will never be crushed. He is literally my only hope now.

When is my morning?

Today, a friend of mine put an encouragement up on Facebook: though the sorrow may last through the night, joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5)

I don’t have sorrow right now, I have stress and worry and doubt. And these are awful things for a christian to have, but I’m going to be honest & say that we all still experience these things, at least I do. 

I have stress because I’m finishing up my degree in 5 weeks. 4 years of crazy hard work & it will all be over in 5 weeks. And fitting, I have a bajillion things to do with my thesis study, class assignments, presentations, and conferences. I know I’ll get it all done somehow, but it’s still a stressful prospect.

I have worry about of my housing situation. It went from bad to good to worse. This is where I’m wondering where I will find my morning. This is the thing that will probably haunt me for the next year. 

My housemate won’t pay rent again and our hydro bill came in and it’s huge. And she hasn’t told me she’s going to pay her share, so to avoid having our hydro cut off, I am covering her portion. She now owes me over $100 and that money was supposed to be my grocery money for this month. Now I can’t buy food. I don’t need to buy food yet, but when I do, I won’t be able to afford to until she pays me back.

I need to confront her about this & stress the importance of paying me back or else I’ll starve. Which infuriates me because it shouldn’t be a question of whether I can eat or not because I work two jobs PLUS full time school & I am working my butt off to afford my stuff, she shouldn’t just float through & be able to take my money.

Money is stressful guys.

Please help me pray for my housemate. Please help me pray for trust in God in this. I’m worried about the money. I’m worried that she won’t ever pay me back & I’ll end up paying for the next month’s hydro bill too. I’m just plan old stressed and worried.

Please help me pray. I need to find peace & my morning

DAY 12

today I was grateful for..

1. my friend Chels, who spent most of the day hanging out together. I have missed hanging out with friends, I’ve spent so much time lately with netflix, work, and homework

2. sweet chats with my landlord. He called about payments & the conversation went from that to the churches we go to, how beautiful it is outside, and that he needs to get his cold checked out in case it’s H1N1. It was very random but wonderful

3. the library. I got an assignment completed that’s not due for another 2 weeks & it’s because Chels & I went to the library to work. I definitely needed the encouragement to get things done early